The Swan Song

"The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us, even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance. And time. And logic. Because some ties are simply meant to be."

I leave tomorrow.

I don't even know what to say right now. I mean, I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but I am also freaking out a little on the inside. Am I taking too much stuff? Am I prepared enough to do this? I know that I am prepared enough, but it's just so weird to think that this is my last night in America for almost 2 months.

I think the hardest part is not going to be around all of my friends and family for that long of a period. I know, I know, 7 weeks will fly by and I'll be back in no time wishing I was back overseas, but a part of me feels like 7 weeks is a lot longer than I keep saying. Two months of not seeing some of the most important people to me. It's going to be tough not walking out of my room and seeing all my Brothers goofing around, or walking across campus and seeing everyone I know.

I think that's why I love the opening quote so much. I mean, I keep forgetting that I do this every summer. I leave Ohio and go home to live in Pittsburgh for 3 months. But the difference is that I could still contact them at any time. Going across the world means that I can't do that. So maybe I just need a little faith that the ties that I have made so far are simply meant to be.

But other than that, it's weird to still be sitting in my room at school, all my stuff packed up all nice and neat (ah, who am I kidding. It's thrown into my suitcases). There's a weirdness to my room being so....empty. Which in itself is weird to say because all of my roommates stuff is still here. Maybe it's the fact that none of the stuff in this room is mine. No pun intended, but the room feels foreign now.

I know I might be contradicting myself here, but just go with it. I know I said a part of me feels like 7 weeks is going to be a lot longer than I keep saying, but another part of me  feels like 7 weeks will not be enough time. I am going to be experiencing so many new things: food, culture, living, attitudes, ideas. And I get to do it two times in that many months.

So maybe Swan Song is a good title for this. So many new things to experience in so many new places that I just know I am going to come back to the United States a completely different person. I know, how can I say that if I haven't even gone yet? I can't. At least, not reasonable. But if I go to these two places and experience different ways of life and live differently, it would be a damn shame if I came back the same person. To see people who can barely afford to take care of their family, or people who are traumatized from all the shit they had to deal with in their lifetimes, how can I not come back and try to make a difference when I can?

"No matter how thick skinned we try to be, there's millions of electrifying nerve endings in there opened and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling anything, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes that's the only thing left."