I'm not ready to leave Northern Ireland, but at the same time, I'm ready to leave Northern Ireland. I've come to love Northern Ireland a lot more than I expected. My time here has been memorable and they're experiences that I'll take to the grave with me. I've made connections that I hope will stay strong even after I'm back in the States. I've stepped out of my comfort zone. I've learned so much about myself and the culture that I live in. I've learned so much about the culture I've stepped into for such a brief period of time.
I'm happy about the things that I learned, and in a way, it's what I was supposed to learn. I'm in a weird place: I feel like I've learned what I was supposed to learn and am ready to jump into the next great adventure in South Africa, but that I'm leaving so much unfinished here and I'm not ready to leave Northern Ireland.
I don't think that I can really get over this feeling. The only thing I can do is to compartmentalize it and move along on this amazing journey.
I said awhile back that there was something about Northern Ireland, but I didn't know what that was. I'm going to attempt to vocalize it (well, put it down on paper).
Northern Ireland has such a duality to it: just when you think that you figured something out, it changes. They say there's an Irish question, but every time you think you have an answer, they change the question. I think that applies to this feeling.
It's so difficult to look out over the landscape and the cities and think "Holy Shit is this Beautiful", and have that followed with the sinking realization/remembrance that this place was a warzone: places blown up by petrol bombs, paramilitary groups ruling the communities and pressuring people to do things, people blown up and their blood covering the streets.
That duality aspect is something that takes awhile to wrap your head around.
But that's not the only thing I learned here in Northern Ireland.
1) I'm in the right majors. Being a dual Criminal Justice and Political Science major student, being immersed in issues that revolve around those topics energized me day after day. I can not wait to graduate and get a job that does the same thing everyday.
2) I can't just sit back and do nothing anymore. Far to many times I have seen things or felt the urge to do something and I did nothing. I can't do that anymore. I need to take action, to step up and make a difference.
3) I need to be more spontaneous and take more chances/risks. Far too often I play things so conservatively when I really don't need to. The saying goes "You're going to regret the things you don't do more than the things you do". I don't want to look back in 20 years and regret not doing anything.
4) You never really know something until you have an answer.
5) I am who I am, and I make no regrets for that.
6) Everyone has their own demons, and you have to realize and respect that.
7) The more you learn, the more you see, the more you hear, the less you know.
8) Remove the word "Can't" from your vocabulary. Half the battle is thinking you can do something.
9) I have to appreciate where I'm at now, not where I want to be. I am so concerned with my long-term goal that sometimes I need to slow down and appreciate what's happening in my life presently.
10) Everyone has a story you can learn from, if only you stop and listen.
11) "Truth exists, falsehood has to be invented" Sometimes you have to man up and admit when you did something wrong. It goes a longer way than beating the bush around.
12) You never know how much someone or something means to you until you can't be there/ have it.
13) Cherish those in your life, and make a more meaningful relationship with those already in it.
14) Some stories just have to be shared.
15) Some stories just shouldn't be shared.
16) "As a kid, you want to help everyone with everything. But as we grow as a person, we realize that we can't be a superhero. We need to concentrate our efforts and realize that everything we do, no matter how small, makes a difference."
And the Scariest Part?
If I learned all of this in Northern Ireland, What am I going to learn in South Africa? What's left that I don't already know?
"The Parting Glass"
Of all the money that e'er I had
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I've done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all
Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and you should not
Good night and joy be with you all
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